GROWING AND LEARNING: 20 LESSONS FROM LIFE

Audio: Growing and Learning: 20 Lessons from Life

This is not a typical blog post I would write on this website. However, considering that we are discussing tips for career success on this website, these tips (or lessons) include private life. Sustaining success in a career is hard to achieve without strong personal beliefs and sorted-out personal life. So, in that regard, I would like to share some of the lessons I learned in life.

1. You are responsible for your happiness

I met lots of people (and I was that way myself) who could not spend 5 minutes alone without getting bored. They are entirely dependent on other people to make them fulfilled and happy. I am wondering if that is even a real state of happiness. Anyway, I learned that I am responsible for being happy in my life. If I cannot make myself happy, no one else will. I love taking a walk by myself while listening to music; I love to “dance like no one is watching,” read a good book, work on my blog, workout, etc. I have plenty of ways to keep myself happy. This is one of the most important life lessons that I have learned.

2. Shift your focus from external to internal

I am a generation that witnessed World becoming a “global village “while I was a teenager. The amount of information and outside stimuli is overwhelming for any human. I firmly believe that being too much outside of ourselves, listening to the news, and spending time on social media are moving us away from our true selves. Living in fear and constantly comparing yourself and others will not lead you down the happy road. Shift your focus to yourself and keep it there.

3. Take responsibility for your life

This is a tough one to explain without sounding insensitive. Unfortunately, most people use their life hardships and tragedies as excuses for not acting on their life. I can understand people who had extreme traumas or may have mental health issues, but most of our tragedies in life are nothing compared to what other people are going through. It is easier to be a victim of life than admit that you screwed up. It is easier to blame others for your misfortune than accept that you are your worst enemy. And it is really hard to take responsibility for your life and make something out of it.

I have been there, pointing fingers at everyone but myself. Once when I ran out of people to point at, I finally pointed my finger at the mirror. After that, I started making changes in my life, and after a while, my life was completely turned around.

4. Understand the "planes" in your life

We usually forget that life is not a series of parallel planes, never touching itself. Instead, I would rather say that life is a series of interconnected planes, each contributing and influencing others.

For example, if you spend the whole night awake, your performance at work will probably suffer tomorrow. And as it goes in life, sometimes we must sacrifice one plane to achieve something in the other. Which one to sacrifice is up to you to decide.

There will always be a trade-off in your life, small and big sacrifices we must make on one side to achieve something on the other. Understanding how these sacrifices will influence your life makes the sacrifices a bit less challenging.

5. Understand in which phase of life you are

Understanding where you are in your life makes it easier for you to handle yourself appropriately. Different things in your life can be in different phases and understanding which one is where makes it easier for you to focus your energy more efficiently. Some of the things in your life require you to be patient, and some of the things need you to be proactive.

Not spending your energy on things you cannot change, and you must wait them out will give you more energy to spend on the things that need to be done. I focused my energy on the wrong things many times, and it only resulted in the same thing as it was in the beginning, but I was exhausted and did not have the energy left to push the things that had to be pushed.

6. Monitor your inner conversation

You are not good enough; you cannot do it; you are stupid, ugly; you are this and that. Is this something that you are saying yourself daily? Your inner conversation reflects your opinions of yourself and your confidence in yourself. These conversations usually have the sound of someone else’s voice discussed as your own. Learn how to stand up for yourself inside of yourself.

Do not let these bad conversations pass without you saying the positive counter statement. Next time you think to yourself that “you are not good enough,” immediately consciously say to yourself, “you are wrong; you are good enough; you will make it work.”

7. Understand how people around you influence your thinking

Maybe you heard that saying that you are a reflection of the five closest people around you. Basically, you shape your opinions around your inner circle. Well, those 5 people are also a reflection of the five closest people around them. And the opinion of your inner circle is influenced by the other five people. That means that many people are influencing (or at least trying to) your opinion. So be aware of it, and make sure you have the right people surrounding you. Everything is easier in life when you have them around you.

8. Other people's opinion of you is not your business

This one is pretty straightforward. Learn when it is appropriate to listen to other people’s opinions and when to discard them. Listen only to the ones that are actually going to make your life better.

9. It is not a mistake if you learn something from it; then it is a lesson

We are afraid of making mistakes. We do not want people to judge us and point fingers at us. The only people who are not making mistakes are those who never tried anything. I remember when I failed my first business, and one person commented negatively about it.

My first response was how many businesses did you start? I learned a lot from my first failed business, and it was my biggest life lesson. Everything went up from there. I often say to myself if I knew better, I would do better. So, my advice is to act, make mistakes, make them fast, learn from them, and repeat.

10. Focus your action on the things that you can influence

One of the quotes I live by: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Simple as that, focus your energy on the right things.

11. Share your plans only with the trusted people

Do not overshare your plans with people you do not trust and think they will have your best interest in their hearts. Most people will try to stop you even before you even start. Keep your head down, keep working, shut your mouth, and seek advice only from people you trust. Your results will show everything else.

12. Workout and take care of your diet

Our body is the only vehicle that we have on this Earth. We cannot replace it. There are multiple benefits to regular work out. You do not have to look like Mr. Olympia, but you can train three times a week to keep your body in shape. Make sure that you are giving your body the right fuel, so be careful of your diet.

13. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person

I married my high school sweetheart, and we have been for many years together. We went through some rough and, most importantly, some excellent times. Having the right person supporting you can be a differentiator between a good and bad life. Unfortunately, I know many people who stayed with the wrong people for so many years that the damage is almost unrepairable. As I said, it is better to be alone than with the wrong people.

14. Most people do not care about you or your life

Unfortunately, if something terrible happens to you, most people will be happy it did not happen to them, and if something good happens to you, most people will be jealous. Or they just will not care. When this happens, do not take it personally.

15. Compare yourself only with yesterday's yourself

You do not know what any other person is going through in life. Maybe you see a flashy front, but you do not see the pain in the back. We all have problems in life. Remember that! There is no living soul on Earth without any problem. So in order to avoid comparing yourself to the wrong people, focus on yourself. Focus on what improvements you made on yourself from the previous day/month/year. That is the only true indicator of progress.

16. Clarify your expectation and have a goal and plan in place

Ask yourself what you want your life to look like. Clarify your requirements and expectations. Make sure you understand exactly what you want, make a goal, and plan how to achieve it. If you can plan your vacation every year, you can plan this too. Of course, not everything will go according to plan; your priorities will change, life will happen, etc. But having something to aim for is much better than not aiming at all.

There is a saying: “No wind blows in favor of a ship without direction.”

17. Treat janitor as CEO, CEO as a janitor

Basically, treat everyone with the same respect. Everyone deserves your respect until proven differently.

18. You are getting paid for your skills

I met lots of people that think that they deserve more money. They believe that they are a good and smart person and by only that, they deserve more. The only problem is that they can do a job that every human can do. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is not how it works. You are getting paid for your skills and ability to earn money for your employer with those skills. There is literally nothing else to it. You will get more money if you have skills that are not easy to acquire or are extremely rare. On the other hand, if you are easy to replace… well, sorry.

19. The biggest investment you can make is the one you make in yourself

I appreciate all the financial gurus and advice on how to get rich if you invest the money in the right stock options or whatnot. I think that is something that should be considered, and if you can, you should invest the money (the worst thing for your money, due to the inflation, is just to sit in your account). But I do not want to wait for 40 years to get some real money to live. So what I am doing instead is investing lots of time and money in myself. And so far, I have gotten the biggest return on the investment than I would get with any stock option.

20. Always do more than is expected of you

If you want more, do more. If someone asks you to create a 3D model for them, create a rendered image for free. If your colleague asks you for your help and you cannot help, send an e-mail to someone who could. Always try to provide more service than is expected from you. Quite soon, you will see the benefits in your relationships, business, and in the end, on your bank account.

Closing words

Achieving sustaining and fulfilling career is not easy. A million different things should align, including your personal beliefs and life. As your career and personal life influence each other, it is necessary to achieve harmony between the two. I hope these life lessons that I learned on my own skin, gave you a different perspective and made you think about your approach to your career and life.

I learned many other lessons during my life, but if I had written them all, this blog post would be much longer. Do you have any impactful life lessons you think is worth mentioning? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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